Wee....

News is coming.. need to get the pics together soon.. i actually did something that i have wanted to do for a long time...

"Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious"

Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious, yes that’s right, I said it… it is now 10:37 on Sunday November 13, 2005. Which in fact is the day that my yearly ritual of celebrating my birth happens to take place on, or how the rest of you put it, My Birthday. So to answer your question “So how was your birthday?” I can some it up in one word “Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious.”
What does this word mean? I don’t really know, which is what I can also say about my birthday. For a week now my girlfriend has been saying, “your birthday is coming.” Each time I have asked her to forget about it, and it’s no big deal. Now perhaps some people would take that out of context, and assume that I am trying to play that I don’t want anything special for my birthday but in fact I really do. But that isn’t the case here, the truth is I don’t really care it’s my birthday and I don’t want anything special.

Why you might ask… Well lets see, as far back as I can remember my birthdays have been what you could say a let down. Do I blame anyone imparticular for that, yes… Myself. In the past I have had expectations of things, what kind of things doesn’t matter just that those things really never came to light. Perhaps I was not vocal enough, or had high expectations or shit just happens that prevents things from going over well. Last year had to be one of the worst birthdays I have ever had, not only for me but for other people that I was with as well. On my birthday last year I came down with horrible cold, and my friends had signed up to play in a beer pong tournament at a local bar. Which I have to admit sounded like a lot of fun and I wanted to participate. But on that day I really didn’t feel up to par and told them I was sick and that it would not be to smart of me to go. Well my friends showed up and persuaded me to go. Later on I developed a fever, was coughing a lot and felt deathly ill as my head felt like it was floating thru the skies. Ironically my friends did not seem to understand that was that sick and thought I was just drunk as they where, when in reality I was on the verge of collapsing many times and should have been home in bed. Later that night after my girlfriend got out of work and came to meet us, I wanted to go home, I had spent 6 hours out at the bars, and I was ready to go home 5 hours ago. She was not to fond of that choice. I had to called into work on that Monday because I was still sick. I felt really bad, my friends and girlfriend tried hard to have a good birthday for me, and there I was sick as dog and ruined there time. But I have to say thank you to those that tried. For some reason I can’t help from getting sick around that time of the year. It’s one of those things I think the weather has a big part in.

So that brings us to this year. I had thought about the past, and all the let downs I created for myself and decide that was not going to do that this year, and see what happens. So I basically told everyone don’t make a big deal about it, it’s just another day. I did not want anything special for my birthday, no present, no cakes, no nothing, I just wanted it to be another day with now big deals. With the 13th being on a Sunday, going out on Saturday is the logical thing to do, well Saturday morning I awoke with a horrible neck pain which I believed triggered a migraine later in the day so spent the afternoon on the couch tring heal myself for the night ahead. Then night fall arrived and out we go! Immediately my night was started off with a act of incurable retard ness, what that was I can not say, but it kind of pissed me off… but fuck it.. I decide not to worry about it and enjoy my night out.. Which in the most part I did. I had a lot of fun out at the bars with my friends. They bought me many drinks and there were a lot of laughs. A good time was had many, myself included, but for some reason being drunk was not in the cards. I tried, I kept drinking, Whiskey and coke after whisky and coke, and you would think after inhaling 12+ drinks in under 4 hours you would feel some what messed up. But oddly enough I was fine. Yes I was having a lot of fun, so perhaps I was not fine and didn’t realize it. Doesn’t matter.. Midnight came, hopes of being piss ass drunk was knocked off the list an hour ago.. So home to bed to sleep…

I awoke at 3 A.M. and I sat for an hour trying to fall back asleep, but that was not in my cards either. So I got up and did what I normally do on a Sunday morning, get online and play Battlefield 2. After racking up some major points I headed down stairs and watched Con Air.. Why? It was on I guess… Then the kids came over and the normal Sunday began. Which if you are still with me is what I wanted in the first place. Later on I traveled to my girlfriends parents house for yummy lunch/dinner with her family. Upon arrival everyone was all “Happy Birthday!”… Yippy right. It was fun, her family is entraining in a good sense and I find myself fitting in comfortably and don’t seem like an outcast. Hours later we return home were I find myself watching Mary Poppins… a movie that once had forgot about. A movie in all it’s light can show so many different perceptions on how you can go about life. Later on the “Grinch Stole Christmas” makes its holiday appearance, yet again another long last childhood favorite that now when I watch it has a totally different perspective to me. Then on to the Simpson’s, after that it doesn’t matter my night was pretty much over. Off to bed… but wait I sit once again and stare at the ceiling in the low lit room. An hour passes.. Screw this.. I get up and drive to the cemetery and visit my grandfather’s grave.. I say my piece.. Which some day will make for another story.

So what’s my point here? “Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious”… what does it mean? Do you know what it means? I know what it means to me, but I am sure it doesn’t’ mean the same thing to you as it does to me. Or perhaps it means the same thing to you as it does to me. It’s one of the those things that at any point you can sit back and think of the what does it really mean. It’s a word, it has the same spelling every time, but does it have the same meaning? Does everyone in the room think it means the same thing you think it means, or is everyone different? Does it really matter what other people think it means? Doesn’t it really matter what I think it means to other people?

It is now nearing midnight.. When officially my birthday will be closed for another year. And all I know is that my birthday is over. I got what I asked for, nothing, it was just another day… Thank you, i couldn't have asked for anything more!!!

Halloween 2005

Once agian the freak show was alive and kicking on Halloween Weekend.

To You

Now usually I don't do this, but perhaps it's time to tell you a little bit about my personal life. So let me take a minute to tell you about a very special someone in my life, my girlfriend. She is the most important person in my life, which i hold in complete respect and regards too. My life has been impacted mostly by her and the adventures in which we have traveled on the road of life together.

Being in a relationship is a two side adventure that both you and a special someone must cooperate and explore the world in a harmony together. For me I have always been in some form of relationship with some one, rather it is platonic or romantic, of the romantic relations has always been preferred but the platonic ones are interesting at times. Currently the one romantic relationship I am in has me floating on clouds, skipping thru the heavens enjoying the now and not worrying about what will happen next. Which for me is a total opposite of what I was used to, I would go day in and day out planning everything, trying to figure out how to better my situation or find ways out of it. But my current relationship with my girlfriend is unlike any I have ever done before. We have a past, twice before we dated, which both times meet with unexpected events with her cheating on me with my ex-best friend. I am hoping the third time is going to be the charm. Because if it isn’t then I am screwed. I say this because I don’t want to love or be in a relationship with anyone else, it would hurt too much to see this end.

I am deeply in love with her; she is my world along with her two kids. Yes she has kids, but that doesn’t bother me at all and actually I am pretty excited about it, yes I was scared at first since I didn’t know what to make of the situation but I dove in and gave it a shot with the intent of making the best of it and I did. I believe it has worked out really well and now I have two more people in my live that I care and love dearly. And you know I have not once thought about the kids being an issue…

Back to her though, I have experienced many things I never have thought of all because of her. When we first start dating again jealousy hit me pretty hard, but can you blame me, I had been hurt twice by this women before and her escapades with my ex-friend. So naturally I put my guard up towards all of my friends that she is friends with. In my head I was unsure what to think, here is the perfect women, she is hot, smart, exciting and has a lot to offer. Always keeping me my toes rather its by making wonder what I am, what I am doing, what should I be doing. Does she really love me? In the beginning (the third time) we would sit around and talk and discus our feeling about each other and about life. It was exciting to know what she thought of everything and how it related to my own ideas and opinions. Over time the random talks about things have declined but that is expect since you spend so much time with someone you don’t want to repeat yourself on subjects that you already have conversed over. There is nothing wrong with that thought, just keeps me wondering if what she thought then is the same today? And what does she think now?

For me this relationship, or at least my side of the relationship has been the best I have ever had, having, and will have ever. My ideas of a relationship are a bit different from hers, since recently I have learned a few things that make me wonder if she believes me when I tell here the truth about how I feel about her. It is was interesting the other day when she told me that apparently she believes I was treating her as if I needed her and she doesn’t need that, when in actuality I was just doing what I thought she wanted from the start, from those early days when we would sit around talking about what we wanted. It’s no secrete I care about this women more than just about everything, with exception to my family, which some day I hope she is a part of. I have a “want” to do what ever she wishes, not because I think that is what I need to do, but that is what I want to do. I hope she feels the same way. For me nothing feels better than being able to do something for someone you love and care about. It’s an instant high of which I cannot explain. I just wish I could do more.

We have our problems, as I believe a lot of people do. I catch myself pondering what I can do to make my relationship better, and ways to possible portray how much I care and love her. Recently events have been kind of weird, when I say weird I am kind of referring to Karma I guess. Before I had a relationship with another, and during that phase of my life I was unsure if it was right, and basically fell out of romantic love with her. My attitude and actions became bland and careless towards her for which I felt bad, and began to somewhat pity myself for choosing that path. And now I see traces of the way I acted towards my past partner happening to me. Which worries me somewhat, the absence of words and loving moments is becoming a little more apparent. Perhaps I only notice these things because I once did them myself, and I am concentrating on them so that I see the signs of me doing them again, which I am not in any way, but in turn seeing them happen to me. I love this woman, and I don’t want this to end. But in my worries, perhaps I am causing it to end. I don’t really know at this point in time. But I have acknowledged the issue and continue to investigate myself to discover is there is something really wrong with me. Do I need reassurance that this is not a problem; No, but it would be comforting to know that things are ok this way or perhaps this just a phase of some sorts.

I am confronted with myself wondering if she still loves me at times, or perhaps this is all just an act? I wonder if how she is in our relationship is how she was in her past ones as well? And if so how long before she realizes this is not what she wants and moves on? Since for me this relationship is like no other, if that is possible, I am actually happy and having fun. These are all questions that I hope I never find the answers to, and if by chance I do then I hope they are the right answers, the ones that will reaffirm that we are meant to be and that she is finally happy in her life. I know for once in my life I am truly happy, and I hope to god (even thought I really don’t believe in a all knowing being other than myself) that she is. At this point you can question how do you prove to some one that you love them that much? What actions and words must be presented to prove that you are telling the truth and only the truth? I know in my heart how I feel, but how do I express it to her? How does she express it to me? For these questions I don’t have an answer for at this time, but I am searching for the answer. The closes relative answer I have come up with is “trust”. Do trust her? Yes! My trust grows a bit more everyday I travel with her. I know in my heart and in my head that I love her deeply, and that no matter what she says or does, I will still love her.

There have been many happy and fun times that I can recall in our relationship over the last year. Many times I can actually say I am happy, I don’t want to be anywhere else but here, in her arms or company. Those moments when everything is so perfect and you want nothing more than freeze time to stay that blissful. I see many more of those times to come in my life with her, and can only hope that it happens. Nothing is planned, everyday is unwritten, but it is wanted and the excitement grows with the thought of the unknown. I know she is the one, and I hope that new day is an adventure with her by my side.

The power of love has been a question through out my life that many of asked, and I until this point I thought I had an answer. Until now I never really know the true power, since now I too have been sucked into the vortex of love, and caring and loving another so much you are willing to give your life up to protect or ensure theirs. And I love it! I love her! I truly love her! What else is there in life? The answer: Nothing, that’s how much I love her!


To You

by Walt Whitman

Whoever you are, I fear you are walking the walks of dreams,
I fear these supposed realities are to melt from under your feet and hands,
Even now your features, joys, speech, house, trade, manners,
troubles, follies, costume, crimes, dissipate away from you,
Your true soul and body appear before me.
They stand forth out of affairs, out of commerce, shops, work,
farms, clothes, the house, buying, selling, eating, drinking,
suffering, dying.

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem,
I whisper with my lips close to your ear.
I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.

O I have been dilatory and dumb,
I should have made my way straight to you long ago,
I should have blabb'd nothing but you, I should have chanted nothing
but you.

I will leave all and come and make the hymns of you,
None has understood you, but I understand you,
None has done justice to you, you have not done justice to yourself,
None but has found you imperfect, I only find no imperfection in you,
None but would subordinate you, I only am he who will never consent
to subordinate you,
I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God,
beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself.

Painters have painted their swarming groups and the centre-figure of all,
From the head of the centre-figure spreading a nimbus of gold-color'd light,
But I paint myriads of heads, but paint no head without its nimbus
of gold-color'd light,
From my hand from the brain of every man and woman it streams,
effulgently flowing forever.

O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you!
You have not known what you are, you have slumber'd upon yourself
all your life,
Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time,
What you have done returns already in mockeries,
(Your thrift, knowledge, prayers, if they do not return in
mockeries, what is their return?)

The mockeries are not you,
Underneath them and within them I see you lurk,
I pursue you where none else has pursued you,
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the
accustom'd routine, if these conceal you from others or from
yourself, they do not conceal you from me,
The shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these
balk others they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform'd attitude, drunkenness, greed,
premature death, all these I part aside.

There is no endowment in man or woman that is not tallied in you,
There is no virtue, no beauty in man or woman, but as good is in you,
No pluck, no endurance in others, but as good is in you,
No pleasure waiting for others, but an equal pleasure waits for you.

As for me, I give nothing to any one except I give the like carefully
to you,
I sing the songs of the glory of none, not God, sooner than I sing
the songs of the glory of you.

Whoever you are! claim your own at any hazard!
These shows of the East and West are tame compared to you,
These immense meadows, these interminable rivers, you are immense
and interminable as they,
These furies, elements, storms, motions of Nature, throes of apparent
dissolution, you are he or she who is master or mistress over them,
Master or mistress in your own right over Nature, elements, pain,
passion, dissolution.

The hopples fall from your ankles, you find an unfailing sufficiency,
Old or young, male or female, rude, low, rejected by the rest,
whatever you are promulges itself,
Through birth, life, death, burial, the means are provided, nothing
is scanted,
Through angers, losses, ambition, ignorance, ennui, what you are
picks its way.

I love you Kellee Sue!

Biker Party 2005

Saturday September 17, 2005 a world of hurting took place at one 123 South Fourth Street. Here is how it went down






















And then they went out to the bar... go figure :)

Lan Party

Attack of the Show, a program that runs on G4-Tv, has an weekly Lan party sponsored by various parties. This weeks Lan party was for Battlefield 2, which happens to be the game that I am totally engulfed in at the moment. So I signed up hoping I might get a chance to show my stuff on a show that I fluently watch at lunch breaks. And low an behold I got an invite to come play. After rushing home from my parents house, which I have dinner with every Thursday, I got online and logged on to the server with the information provide to me in the invite.
I jumped into the middle of a game, the map was a 64 player map that I really don't play much but that doesn't' phase me, initialed I got 4 kills by removing a chopper filled with point whoring bitches from the sky. Then I took down two tanks and 3-5 more assaulting members of the opposing force when suddenly I was disconnected and returned to the mulitplayer promt screen in the game. I logged on again to discover that the server had restarted. Ok, that sucks since what I had just done put me in first but ok I will live with it.. So starting the second match immediately began gaining points by taking flags, and killing a few here and there. The hole time there are planes, attack choppers, and Transport choppers over head trying to take the control points. I managed to down another attack chopper and a few guys, raising my score to third. But the hole time it was laggy as shit. I usually play on European servers, which are a crossed the Atlantic ocean and never have a problem, but for some reason playing on a California server caused major lag. Although I was not the only one, many other players were complaining about it instead of playing. But I tried my best to over come the constant skipping of players (when you shoot at a person then they disappear and reappear half way across the screen) and managed to get some kills here and there. I then glanced at the score and noticed the guy in first was in a chopper and just randomly killing things on the ground, and I had top score on the losing team which over all I was in second but then I forgot about the commander. The commander on the winning team gets double pinot score when they when, and well it pushed him in to second place so I had to settle for third.. SUCKS ASS!!! Then the server disconnected again.
I log back on and began my battle, the lag was even worse. I managed to get first on the losing team again, but the 4 other people had a higher score on the winning team, so I had to settle for 5th. Which I believe if there was no lag, I probably could have gotten first on both games!!!
oh'well thems the breaks I guess...
Will defiantly try again next time the do a Lan party.. I want that first spot!!!

Transfomer Rock

As a kid i grew up with out cable and had to rely on the good old 3 basic Networks for my cartooning pleasures. Back then the classics were He-Man, Fat-Ablert, and the smurfs. Gi-Joe unfortunatly was on cable as well as Transfomers, i remember begging my parents to stay at my grandparents house on friday nights so i could get up and watch satureday morning cartoons on USA network. Thus my hole introduction to the Transformers universe. I soon got the toys, and not many of them, since they were costly back then and i was raised you watch your money and spend it on what you need and not what you want. As a child i had freinds that had parents that thought other wise, one freind in paticualy Joe Ramsey. Joe's dad had past away and his family had a large amount of money and his mom bought him every transformer that was released at that time. I would spend hours at his house playing with all and admiring his collection of transformers. Today i wonder what Joe did with all those toys, since i look on EBay and i see he could have made a fortune selling them, or be admired in the toy collector world for having this collection of all Generation 1 toys.
Back the piont, Transformers kick ass! The concept is simple, aliens for another plant crash landed on earth. They have the abilty to transform there bodies to shapes and styles. The hole story of what happens after they land on earth and and return to there planet is an interesting one, with a Leader of good and evil battling thru out the cosmos. Thanks to the internet i have found the door way to what happened before they came to earth, or at least i thought i had. These days they play the transformers cartoon on Cartoon Network on saturdays, but they are not the same, they are new stories that are far more fantasy then possiblity. There are many new univierses now, all different stories with the same caractors, kinda kills the hole story and enterainment of the seris but poeple wish to make money.
Personaly my favorit was G1, so i discovered there were comics release of the battle that happend before they left cybertron... so i got them and read them. I purchased two volumes, and the third, well i was sadden when i found that the comic book company that published the books has folded up.. DreamWeaver had closed it doors in Sept 2004... boy do i feel retarded.. i started reading a comic way after it was released, and now i find out i can't read any more becuase there are no more! this sucks.. but transformers rule!

Ever so often in the working enviorment there comes a time when the women act up. Yes i said it the "women", cause you know the male speicies is highly unlikely to cry unless there is a loss or something realy serious happening. Working with females is something that takes patients and suttleness. I say this because alot of women are very emotional and think that everything action is an attack upon there selfesteam or there personal views. Wake people, it's not! You are paid to due a job, on that you chose to due, no one forced you to sit in that chair and answer the phone.
I have seen a many female co-workers break down and cry in the relaxed work enviorment that i drag myself to everyday. Many reasons that i see from a male's prosecptive as being nonsense and no reason to cry or get up set about. But yet i guess thats why i am male. One women cries when some one tells her she messed up, another cries when the frustration of doing her job becomes overwelming. Each have there reasons which when you get to the heart of it could be understandable, yet how the situations that happen and the events that take place after words are little bizzar and poorly delt with buy the management. One of the women mentioned above runs to the bathroom, where i might add the womens bathrooms have couches and tables which are covered in magazines, where they lay and cry into pillows or rinse there eyes out for "hours". And i do mean hours! They run crying and you will not see them agian till after lunch or 4 hours later. Yet no one question what happens in the bathrooms. I have sent informants in to find out what is going on and there are times when i have been told women are just sitting around talking and bullshiting about nothing. Yes i have informants, they are needed espeically when you need to talk bussniess with one of the women that is "crying" in the bathroom. My personal view is that this is crap, just becuase a person has issues doesn't mean they have to display them or even pull other people into them at work. Do it on your own time! If a man ever pulled this shit at work, he would be hauled into the bosses office and fired or at least sent home for a time being with no pay. Why do women get specail treatment.
Not all women are this way, but when you work with 20+ of them, at least half of them are explosive, and are the type that will cry at work. And to those that are not part of this half, i say thank you, and it's a pleasure working with you.
This world is getting weaker by the minute, and everyday is new adventure in stupidty and retardedness. Perhaps i should go home everytime i want to go to the bathroom, since the men's stals are so discusting i don't want to plant my ass on that dirty brown seat!

Gaming.. Why is it so addicting? So here i sit at work, waiting for my program to run and print of a bunch of orders, and while i wait i am entiest to search the internet.. for what i realy don't konw...
But still i do manage to always come back to the sites i normally vist, most of them are related the game of the year.. In 2003 it was Renagade, which for those that don't know it is a First Person Shooter developed by the makers of Command and Conquer. And it is totally set on the story of the first release of the game in 1995. Anyway i would get online and play with all the guys that usually hopped on at that time. After some time, a guy the i played alot of matches with, one i considered my equal as far as "talent" is concerned approached me one day and asked i would like to start a clan with him. His Name was Lobos. He was a cool charactor, well liked, and always acused of cheating like i was. So we start a clan called Global Elite Empowerment or GEE. I ask a few poeple i knew and he ask a few people he knew, bringing our membership up to 13 or 14 members. We were not a bad clan, we had the heavy hitters, just we did not work to well together some times. Each person kinda did there own thing alot. After about three or four months of developing this clan, we had a website and a server to call our own. I made a horrible mistake, i said some harsh words to some one that really i did not know, just happened that day in paticaular was a bad day all around. A member of my clan copied what i wrote and showed the person this letter of just irattional thoughts was directed to, and i was kinda put on the hot seat. I knew what i did was wrong, and i admitted to it and left the clan. i basicaly took a long break for four months. I tried other games that were out there, and basicaly did my own thing. I returned to the clan to play Renegade to see alot of new people and new problems. After some times my personal life stated to get more interesting, and my gaming time was cut so i kinda disappeared agian for a few months. This time when i returned the clan had changed, there was a merger with another clan DTA that had faild, and then DT which happened to work. The new name for the Clan was GDE or Global Dark Empowerment. Lobos was still the leader and in there were others that were doing really well. Once agian there were alot of new faces. I was still good at the game, was able to take on just about any one and win, that is untill the server starts laging on you... Then the unthinkable happened - LOBOS HAD JOINED ANOTHER CLAN! Basicaly he was double claning on us and was caught. Now in the clan world this is something you don' t do unless you tell ever one what you are doing and why. And i say this becuase you could have a clan war with the other clan and he would know your startagies and movements... Well inlight of this news we all were pretty harsh on him. And now that i look back i feel bad for some of the things that i said to him, he just really disapointed me. Any way at this time a new game had been released Halflife 2 and its mod brothern Counter Strike:Source. This game was not for the week minded computers... i took a liking to this game fast. It was fast action, and great fun with other people. So engulft myself into playing everyday when i came home from work. At the time the girlfriend worked nights, so i would sit and play all night till she got home. Once agian i got really good at this game fast. i enjoyed playing with whom ever, and i never really cared if people cheated, just means i need to find a new way of killing them.
Durning this release of this game, a few members form my clan decied they didn't want to be in gDE anymore, and went off and started there own clan SGC or Super Gaming Commandos (yes it is a stupid name). They wanted to play CS:S for there clan, meanwhile my clan (GDE) was not going to support the game, becuase not enough people had the game nor the computer power to run it. So i told my clan i was leaving to play with SGC untill a new game that we have all been waiting for came out BattleFeild 2. So i played with SGC, had some really good times, i was pretty good.. only a few other people even touched me when i played. and the ones that got me were usually alot better than me, so really it just made me play harder.
Then it came, the release of Battlefeild 2. The game i have been addicted to since i stated playing the demo. It is a great game, so great i even dream about it. As far as how good i am, well if i didn't have job, nor a life i probably would be at the top, but due to haveing a life i can't possible do that, so i just play for fun. I get home ever day and jump online for 2 hours and play.. And yes i play with both SGC and GDE players.. i am GDE after all, and some how i am still the leader of that clan. I really don't konw why, i don't do anything, but post my thoughts, and bitch at people for oversteping there bounderies on issues. Besides that i love playing. AngryC4killer has become a good partner in crime on the game, he is good, sometimes he gets alittle angry about nothing but still we all do at some piont... temper is somthing you must learn to control and keep undercontrol if you wish to play online games alot.
well it's lunch time so i better run..

Smoking.. what is it? What is about lighting up grains of tabaco and in haling that sweet stench of white smoke that just completely encompasses my thoughts and acts? Why is smoking so pleasuable?

Today

Well as i scout the internet to avoid doing work, that really i should be doing, but i know i need to stretch my time sometimes and now just happens to be one of those times. I have come to realize what i can do here, write my mederings and thoughts that pass thru out the day. Today's topic, there really is no way to put all the different ideas in to on topic so i best just start writting.
This morning i had an idea, i want to write a book. This suggestion comes from an indeep fantasy of mine that has to do with a world that battles for it's own survial. It's not about earth, nore in any way affilated with it. Frankkly i am kind of sick of all the ideas, books, and movies that humans save the world. Were are all the planets that destroy there hopes and dreams in a struggle to save themselves. Thats the true nature of a culture, to build themselve high and might only to be smacked down by another culture that has more ambitions and objectives that are enforced thru out the civilization that it encompases. Any way, in this book i have thought about some of the technology that may be around and used. In this story of course there are Space ships, why? Because spaceships are fucking cool! So i decied to look for a spaceship build program online, sometimes you get lucky and find some cool little program that will do a partial job of what you intened and you just expand from there. Well in my travels i came acrossed a site "43 things.com". Interesting site devoted to people associting with others about what they want, or perhaps have and assiting others in obtaining. Interesting.... There is a wide varity of things, basically anything you can think of. After buzzing around for a bit, realing and entertaining myself, i quit for a bit. I was just out side having a smoke when it hit me, what is the one thing that no one can ever have back once it is gone.... A freind... one that passes away. So now i am kind of sad in a way, that i need to think about these things when i am at work, and that how unresponcive i am about death... It's the one subject i totally hate to talk about, not that i am scared, just that i am one of those people that might take it to far. What i mean is, have you ever wondered what it feel like to put you hand in a mower, you know you are not supposed to do it, yet there is always an urge to just once try it and see.. common sences says it's a bad idea, and you can refrain from doing it. But death... well there is no sences in the act, so how can anything be common about it...
Well here it is 2:30, almost quiting time, going to go get a hair cut. It's hot, have long hair right now, need to get it shorten to cool off. Sometimes i wish i could just shave my head. But my stylest and good friend will not let me, and i trust her, she is smart.
Well that's it for now.. check out 43things.com when you get a chance, it's fun.
Later
D

Humm.....

WHAT are you doing here? What am I doing here?